Sunday, May 8, 2016

Things You Should Never Say to a Mother

Let me introduce myself, my name is Liz and I am a Mother. After entering this privilege by bringing my son into the world everything around me changed as I once knew it. Things that seemed so easy to do now are a bit harder. I am constantly late to things and forgetting everything. My interests, hobbies and overall life changed after becoming a parent. Leaving behind a few negative situations in which I would like to address. Things we say to our parents (mothers), ah! When I asked other Mother's what the worst things they have heard the list was disgusting. I down right shook my head. How did we come to talk such disrespect? Warning, I will probably offend you but that is ok with me because these are offensive things to say to any parent/mother. 
1. Why are you so tired? I personally am a work from home, stay at home Mother who decided to go back to school for another degree. Probably does not seem like much but you try trigonometry after being out of high school for 11 years! My days consist of running my son to and from school because we do not have school buses. Grocery shopping, paying bills, attending up-teen million doctor appointments because as you get older things just fall apart. Take my mother to and from her doctor apartments. Add to that cooking from scratch breakfast, lunch and dinner for my family and surrounding friends/family. In a nut shell I spend my days serving my family, my night studying, working and playing laundry catch up. Often times I forget to eat lunch, forget my allergy medicine and forget the list I made for the grocery store. Not to mention I run a small business which sends me traveling all around the world at the drop of a hat. Why am I tired, you ask? How about because I am and let's leave it at that! What I should be asking is why aren't you tired?
2. Being a stay at home Mom or work from home Mom is NOT work! Haha, this is by far one of the utterly most insulting sentences I have ever heard. Honestly, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me I would be able to hire a cook, maid, nurse, doctor, chauffeur , accountant, seamstress, landscape crew, personal shopper and personal assistant. If that is not enough jobs to help you "understand" what we do in our time staying at home with children may I ask have you ever watched small children for any amount of time? They are messy, get smelly, they cry, scream, need constant supervision, surveillance, love and guidance. These things take time and I devote that time, every day! I do not get sick days or vacation days away nor do I get a "bonus" if I do a really good job. These tiny human beings are taken care of and I am doing this, it is WORK, it is IMPORTANT so lay off! 
 3. Mommies birthday is not a holiday so we shouldn't celebrate it. Although this might not be on every Mother's list of things that should never be said, it is personally on mine because I heard it! My son said this on the morning of my birthday! Although it came from a tiny human in which I brought into this world it made me feel smaller then pond scum. We should always celebrate our Mother's! They brought us into life and I know I have heard that phrase to death but guess what it's TRUE! Appreciation goes a LONG way. Even if you do not buy gifts for your Mom see my last sentence and take my advice, APPRECIATE. 
4. You are over reacting! In the history of telling someone to calm down does this make you calm down? NO. I watch my son day in, day out. I know his sounds, cries, actions and his personality. I can pin point with certain accuracy if he is coming down with something before I even take him to the doctor. Why, do you ask? Because I am a present parent. So, when I am told I am "over reacting" you bet your butt there is a friggin' logical reason to OVER react! Do not tell me having a 106 temperature, not being able to go number two, is normal. It is NOT, get a second opinion. This has saved my sons life so many times because I did not let anyone bully me in to thinking it was "normal" or "nothing serious". Be like Special Agent Gibbs and go with your gut!! 
 5. You are only a step parent which makes you less of a parent. Let me tell you something, yeah the person who has this in there head, step parents are people! My son has a step parent and thinks of them as his other parent. It was not forced but he grew up with them. Once you say "I do" the role of Step Parent has been brought into life. I know so many people who were present in a child's life and raised them from marriage as there own and be told they were nothing. How can you say such a thing? When a person holds, protects, rocks a child to sleep from night mares they are just as present as any biological parent. I am sorry but if a step parent steps up and helps raise a child give them some credit because they choose to! They did NOT have too!
6. You bottle, breast, milk, chug, purple shot feed your child that is wrong. Look, I get it everyone has an opinion about what you should do as a Mom. I had every intention of breast feeding my son but then life happened. Life as in my milk never came in no matter what I or the nurses did to try and get it too. Sometimes life happens and that is "ok" because I was blessed with a health baby boy. He made it through his baby stages just fine on formula. 
 6a. "You had a c section, it's not like you actually went through labor. You had it easy"(Kristin Burham). I personally delivered my son without any pain medication and yeah it hurt! It was the worst pain I have experience to date and I would not like to sign up for that again. Having said that, having a C section does not make you less of a Mother or parent for that matter. There is no "having it easy". Children are inhabiting your body and then they are removed, think hormones, body changes, stitches and all. None of us "have it easy". What about those of us who adopt or struggle with infertility. Are you going to throw the "it just wasn't meant to be crap in my face there?" Do these parents also "have it easy"? Just be glad your mother had you at all because she didn't have to (No, really she could have chosen not too). Was that harsh? So is your insensitive butt for saying that to a parent! 
7. Hanging up. Ok, break out the literal book, hanging up on a Mother is an action not a saying. It is disrespectful. I have done this and I admit it freely because I am human. I make mistakes which I try and learn from which is also important. Hanging up is so rude. I do not care how mad you are at your mother and trust me when I say I can go rounds with mine like Mike Tyson. In the end hanging up solves nothing. It makes a already heated discussion more heated causing more defenses to go up which solves nothing. Remember that appreciation thing I mentioned earlier. Someone who feels loved and appreciated is always more willing to help you out. You will get farther in life being kind than you will being rude. So pick that phone up and apologize to your Mother. Yes, apologize because we have all done these at some point in our lives. This list is appalling but so is never saying you are sorry. My mother is my rock, my safe guard and all of the best qualities I have come from her in so many ways. I would not be here if it were not for her literally, physically, mentally and emotionally. I know I have hurt her feelings, belittled her parenting, criticized her and just down right disrespected her. I appreciate the time I am given now to tell her and show her my appreciation. If you can take the chance because at some point you may not be able too. Take the time life is to short not too!

1 comment:

  1. I am now a stay at home mom, but I can say having a 9 to 5 job is easier than being a stay at home mom. Sometimes people do not realize all the work we do and that can be frustrating for us because they think we sit home and watch t.v. all day. My toddler has me on the go from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed. Enjoyed reading your post :)